2nd of Hearthfire, Fredas

We have gone to Iliath temple and Avon has regained his caravan and guar. Tel seems pleased to be able to socialize with other guar again. He hasn’t gotten on with the horses so well.

I was glad to see that Avon has enough of the group’s trust that when he suggested we all wait by the road and not go in for risk of causing an incident, no one complained.

If Ervis planted any spies, they would not see any but Avon here and suspect that perhaps things had not gone wrong. Or at the least, that even were Ervis to have perished, that he was able to take me down with him. It is hard to know exactly how many he recruited to his aid. He was never particularly charismatic, yet, with his title and Urtisa’s wealth, it would not be difficult to pay for a few extra spies.

I am disappointed not to get a chance to pray to Azura, but I understand how great a risk any other than Avon approaching the temple might be. It is also good that I was able to avoid the current head priest. I am glad that Avon did not bring up the situation in front of anyone. I have little left to be broken now, yet I should like to retain that last few threads of self I possess.

I saw the Altmer telling stories with fire to Ma’riani. I suppose she has no further need of me. She did eventually come to me, asking for trinkets. I gave her whatever she asked for. How can I deny her what she wishes when it may well be my fault that she does not live to see her next name day? The least I can do is to give her some small monetary pleasures while I can. I should like to be remembered fondly by her. Maybe if my death is grizzly, she can look back and recall some of the fairer memories of our time together. That I showed her kindness.

I suppose it matters not. Even if I live, I will be forced to remain in Mournhold. I have no doubt that my Daelekil will not stay with me. Why would he? A life being treated as an animal was never his destiny. He is made for a life of something far greater. As is little Khes. She is still so young now, but I am sure she will grow up into a fair maiden, wise as her father and strong as a Speaks-Too-Soon’s scales. It appears that she has magical gifts. I would recommend her a spot at Shad Astura. I am sure Avon would give recommendation as well. Yet, as much as it might warm my heart to think of her and my son studying together, I doubt Qau-dar would allow it.

I do not wish to leave our camp as we head south. Our camp here north of Sheogorath’s Tongue is safe. Once we get to the plantations south of here, we will have to pretend to be slave owners. I cannot stand the thought. Ervis, rise from the grave and take my life so I do not have to face such an act. The only good thing is that we will likely need to bind the Altmer. I would suggest a gag, but I doubt my idea would be allowed.

Avon barely says anything to me. He scolds me again and again for not having properly resolved things with Qau-dar, for allowing him and his group to come with us. I know it is a liability! I tried to explain that to Qau-dar, but he would not listen! And Avon will not listen to me either. He says that even without my birth gift’s powers I am too charismatic to not be able to convince someone if I really wished to. He does not understand that Qau-dar has never been particularly pulled by my gifts. They work stronger with those who have a connection to magic or who want to listen. My Daelekil is too stubborn and not magically gifted in a way to make my powers work.

I shall continue to play stable boy while my daesohn and Daelekil discuss our plans moving forward. Perhaps I can play Avon’s bodyguard. Then I can fade into the background and not deal with the matters at hand unless need be.

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