22nd of Sun’s Height, Fredas

Played again last night for Celsus. The crowds were bigger, apparently they rarely have outside entertainers around these days. I made closer to my usual amount. It was a relief, truth be told. I was worried that perhaps with my gifts waning that I was in trouble. I know these people have little money, but that’s no reason not to give some of it to take your mind off your troubles.

On my break Celsus came to talk to me about things. He told me of what happened to his friends that used to drink here. Told me about his wife’s passing. Then he informed me that my companions had arrived. He also told me that they were strange, but pleasant folk. He said he liked the lizard best, because she has a good laugh. He said he wasn’t sure about the cat because he was so quiet and out of sight. I told him that that was a Khajiit and my husband and that I didn’t like the way he called my Argonian friend a lizard. He laughed at first, thinking it a joke, but then on looking at my face a bit longer, realized I was serious, and he apologized. We talked of other things after that.

I set Speaks-Too-Soon up with a tab with a 200 gold limit. There’s no way she could drink more than that much unless we are staying here for over a week and I would suspect that is not the case. The fact the inn has brandy as the home brew seems to sit well with her. It’s not a bad brandy either, I was pleased to see. I remember it being just decent enough to swallow before. Now the stuff is actually good.

Qau-dar continues to avoid me. I would have thought with having given him plenty of space, his own room, and generally being decent as of late, that perhaps he might come to speak to me. I thought that maybe, just maybe, he would have glimpsed a little bit of goodness and thought to talk to me again. A fruitless hope, I suppose. I would not have forgiven someone I thought had set me up to die, why should I expect any different from someone else?

I have made a decision. It is not easy. It hurts. I suppose all major decisions do.

I will see to it that Qau-dar returns safe to Whiterun, as I am told that he will be returning to the employ of that Altmeri refuse in rags. I will leave money with Speaks-Too-Soon to keep an eye on him and make sure that nothing unsavory is occurring at the shop while I am away. And then I am going to consider going back to Morrowind.

I am hardly free here so long as my mind is still trapped in the turmoil of home. I found a letter this morning on my bedside from Avon telling me of how much more dire things have become. Urtisa is going to kill off my imposter soon. Avon and Ervis are trying to prevent this, but they not sure how long they will be able to keep the man alive. If they are unsuccessful, it will be my son’s life she will be gambling with next. I cannot allow what she has done to me to happen to anyone else, least of all my own flesh and blood. He’s our son! He’s only five years old, for Azura’s sake! The depths to which that woman has fallen can only be measured in the darkest corners of Oblivion. And if I can send her through the type of agony she caused me, the type of voclur that disdainful Khagouti wishes to put on my child, then I would be able to die happy. It is entirely possible that I won’t survive this. Many are the men in her employ. That has likely only increased over the years since I have been gone. And with a stand in for me available, she could dispatch of me, then the imposter, and have my body interned with my ancestors. The fetching woman needs to be stopped. It is time for me to face my past.

Mephala, I am here. I am waiting for your word. Give me my task so that I might earn your blessings.

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