I must decide. I need to decide. There is no time left. It is already Morndas. Qau-dar leaves today for Cyrodill. Am I going to go too?
Azura knows I am done with this city. I need to be gone. I spent far too much time here and it has caused me no end of trouble.
I’ve had to deal with the guard again and his refusal to take no for an answer. It was bad enough I had to murder his sister to send that priestess to justice, if I killed him too there would be one more innocent’s blood upon my hands. At least his sister did insult Khajiit, so I know there had been some spark of wickedness within her. Yet the brother has made no such comments. I do not want to feel guilty over him of all people.
I offered myself to Algar, in thanks for all he has done for me. There was a sadness in his eyes and he put his furs around my bare shoulders and told me no. I do not understand. It was clear that he wanted to. He said it was not right because of my husband. If I am offering myself it should be obvious that I, the person involved in the relationship, have determined it is fine. He would not let me speak, just wrapped his large arms around me and sang a song in the Nord tongue. He had tears in his eyes when he finally let me go.
Algar is a good man. Far better than one expects to find in these tumultuous days. He bid me spend the night and we shared the same bed. I suppose news that I would be leaving in the morning was enough for him to hold me through the night. It was surprising how safe it felt in his arms. It is the same sort of feeling I get when Mephala blesses me with her love. Only this time I did not need to send out a prayer to receive it. It was strange.
I pulled out of his arms just before dawn. He awoke and embraced me again. Then once I had redressed, he brushed the hair from my face and kissed my forehead and said more words in His man language. I tried to ask what he said, but he told me just to leave it as it was. I left him a pendant of the moon. It means something far different to me than to him, I am sure, but I told him it was to protect him and so that he might remember me. The moon is sacred to these wolf cultists, whether they admit it or not, I have seen how many icons there are about the halls. He told me he would treasure it.
I have all my belongings packed. I have paid out my room. It is time to head to the stable and ask Tel for his opinion.
Speaks-Too-Soon sent me a message yesterday that she and Qau-far were leaving in the hour just after first light. The sky is already begun to change color. No matter if I follow them or not, it is time for me to leave this place. Perhaps I shall never return here. The Companions and my artisan friend will all do well whether I ever return or not. I may even see them on the road someday.
I shall stop at the Redguard produce stand to get some treats for Tel, then head to the stables. Farewell Whiterun.