It cannot be! I can not bring myself to be able to believe it to be so.
A son?! Surely Avon must have miscalculated. And yet he says the boy earns his fifth year this month!
Obviously I did not have the opportunity to keep Urtisa under the same scrutiny which she placed me in, but with all her plots I hardly see when she may have otherwise had the time to find other lovers. And she did make sure to visit me each and every night to fulfill her marital duties.
I am still too young yet to be a father! Not that I have been one thus far that is. I am as much a stranger to the child as one he passes on the street.
And what of my son? A child is a pure stone, fire that feeds off whatever it is given, wood or paper or garbage, anything, regardless of its providence. To think that one so defenseless and young would be subjected to her vile ways! I want to burst into the manor and save him at once.
The boy wouldn’t know me of course. He believes his father is this cheap imposter who lays dying. Urtisa is a master at puppeteering, but I cannot believe she would do the same to her own flesh and blood. The reputation of the Hlaalu is clearly not nearly ruthless enough for their reality.
Azura, thank you for having my mother still able to care for the boy. I know she will teach him the proper ways.
But I am torn. My heart aches again. So many whom I love are suffering and only I am able to put it to an end. Yet how can I return? Would I even make it across the border before I was ceased and carted back to the manor under shackle and chain?
Avon, why did you have to leave? I need your council more now than ever. I have much I should like to ask, and yet, to ask is to become emotionally entangled. It was mother and father’s own doing that brought Urtisa into our house and started these events into motion.
Yet to picture the small boy, Sildras, I am told he is called, who looks like I did as a child, and to know he will not only have my looks but share my fate. It is too cruel!
Tribunal guide my warring heart.
I must find Qau-dar. I need to find him quickly. I have too many pains to suffer all of them any longer. Please be safe, Daelekil. I have myself a proper mount, a striped guar, and I am making haste back to Whiterun.
Stay strong, Daelekil, I am coming.