Isn’t it incredibly self-centered to imagine that you can be the one to save Qau-dar? That he even needs you or wishes you back. Has it occurred to you that if you can even find him, your appearance could cause more harm than good. Selfish bitch.

My plump little Guar, who whispers tiny nasties in mine ear, let me explain many a thing to you.

To start, I do not think I am the only one capable of saving Qua-dar. However, since he knows few if any in Skyrim other than myself and Speaks-Too-Soon, whom he also left, it seems statistically improbable that he might be saved by by one other than me. In case it has escaped your notice, there are few in Tamriel willing to lend a helping hand to others for the sake of morality without coin, let alone a Khajiit, who most of the locals do not trust. Surely, I do hope that nothing has befallen him and that he does not require my aid, but I also will not abandon him to the possibility of a cruel fate if I can help it.

As to whether he wants me, I have spoken at great length of not knowing the answer to that question. I do have a hope that all of our past trials have seen to it that he still bares some affection towards me, though if he does not, I would understand. Yet I am not the sort of person who likes to dwell on the negative voices in my head that tell me of all the troubles that can befall my every footfall. That is no way to live one’s life and certainly not how I will take to living mine.

He may, as you say, take more offense from seeing me than from not. Yet, I feel unresolved by the method of our parting. I need to hear from him how he truly feels. If I have caused him any harm, I should know of it and be able to make some amends. If he wishes me to go away forever, then I will deal with that when I hear it from his lips.

I do enjoy how much you believe that there is no chance that my presence may be taken as a good sign. What has happened to that spark of hope in others? Where is your spirit of friendship? I ask you, my plump little guar, what is the harm in trying to do the right thing? If he truly does not wish to see me again, then I will accept that. But I will not turn away take a chance to give aid, even if that chance is slim, purely because such thoughts give into the vanity as to my importance in his life.

Am I selfish? Certainly. As are all creatures on this planet by nature. We all wish to make our lives and when it comes down to the lives of us and our family (or close companions) or the lives of another, few would not choose to take a life in defense of their own. It is selfish. It is survival. It is how we all are made. There is no shame in being selfish as long as you are also able to put good back into the world around you. Life is a precious thing and it is brief. There is nothing wrong with wanting to make the best of what little you’ve been given.

I do hope you will think about this, my plump little guar. Perhaps you should allow yourself to live a bit freer.

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