20th of Second Seed, Fredas

He is persistent, I’ll give him credit for that. Yet, one of my least favorite things is to be tracked down.

His reasons for doing so are even more bizarre. I tried to play the poor sweet widower with him and he bought it. Too hard. Now I am stuck with this overly passionate and emotional guard telling me how he will protect me and care for me. He told me of how with his deceased sister being a priestess, they will certainly listen to a plead to declare my husband dead and our marriage dissolved for when I am ready to be a part of his family.

What in the Tribunal’s three assholes does this Nord think I am going to do? Just give up my whole life for a man I’ve known a week and shared one moment of intimacy with? Why must my gifts of deception always come with these consequences? I’m just far too skilled for my own good, I suppose. A curse by the three for my vanity perhaps?

Alas, I could not, with any excuse, seem to get the man to accept that I was not going to stay with him and be his pretty little Mer husband while he goes off and protects the town from pickpockets and thieves. I am not some homemaker to be contented with that life. And he spoke of children. How in Oblivion are we going to have children? Is he going to have himself transformed for however long it takes Nord women to incubate and have the child himself? For that is the only way these precious little babies with my eyes and his nose would ever come to be. Do Nords not teach their progeny how children are made? I told him that it was all a bit too overwhelming for me to think about now, while I was still in mourning, yet hoping for my husband to be found. He was sad, but seemed to understand… a little.

Azura, I want to leave this place as soon as possible, but my lute is not yet finished! This is why I hate to be in any place for too long. Those who meet with my charms always end up growing severely attached if I linger nearby. I’m not saying having a guard on my side isn’t useful, that’s why I interacted with him, in part. Yet, this one has too many grandiose ideas. He would have me trapped in a house again and be there only for his pleasure, while believing it was what I wanted, that it was for US. No. Thank you.

I could not sleep once he had left. I was up for hours trying to come up with something to do about him. Yet, I was too tired to think clearly. I ended up having to go back to the companions without any rest.

I played for them for a couple of hours and then pretended to get drunk so I could sleep and be left there as though I had passed out. I must have been tired, for I slept until morning. Then I took some payment and left.

I need to stop by Ra-Kathil’s workshop to check on the progress of my lute. Then I should head to the Bosmeri shop to ask for information about his man, well, former man, I assume if you run off you are fired. I am desperate to track down Qau-dar. Every day that passes I fear more and more for him. Azura, help his gods to watch over him, please.


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