6th of Sun’s Dawn, Loredas

He was there. He was looking at me. Looking through me! The lifeless eyes staring up at me. His body not even cold upon the stone yet and I knew, it could have been me. Perhaps should have been me. I couldn’t protect him.

No, it was Uncle’s fault. He was the one that sent us on the mission. He was the one that went against our ancestors’ wishes and unleashed all that havoc. Of course there would be a price for such brazen tactics. But I was there to help. I should have been able to protect him. Yet there he was, dead at my feet. We had been standing side by side, me with blades and him with staff.

Maybe he was the last thing holding me in Morrowind. Still, those dead eyes were so accusatory. Pleading from beyond the grave, asking why I couldn’t have stopped it. It had happened in a blink.

I awoke from that to find two pairs of eyes looking down at me. I jumped back, clutching the vial of my antidote and the pendant Qau-dar made me to my chest. But I heard my cousin calling to me.

“Give me the antidote,” he said. And I knew he wanted me to join him. He had been waiting for me to take my place by his side again. To pay for not having done my duty for our family.

Then there were hands upon me, trying to wrestle it away. I screamed at them that I would not let them take the antidote from me. That I could see that the daylight approached and that I would wait to take it as I was instructed. But the hands were strong.

I could hear other voices, though I could make out little. My cousin, his eyes staring through me tried to lie and tell me that the sunrise had already passed. But I knew better. I told him that Vivec had given me the poison as a trial and that I was to fight it until today, the third sunrise. But it was no use.

I was forced down upon the bed. I was pinned bodily and I felt a cold grip on my throat. My remedy was snatched from me, torn from my grasp. Then something was forced down my throat. I am not sure if it was Mephala’s antidote or one of some other province. But as soon as the grip on me loosened, I gathered my strength and knocked the hands back and flew from the room out the window. I landed hard upon the ground. I couldn’t recognize the city as I knew it. Maybe a trick of the poison or of the new liquid I was made to swallow.

I managed, with twisted ankle, to find a spot out of the way. I am not sure where I am exactly though. The voices are fading around me and I grow tired. I hope that Qau-dar finds me before the ghosts of my past.

Mephala, please forgive me. I meant to follow your instructions. But I shall accept whatever your punishment for not fulfilling your trial may be. And should this prove my last entry, I only hope that perhaps someone may watch over Qau-dar. Keep him safe. And if you cannot find him, at least go to Mephala’s nearest nest and leave my hair band there. A sign I am returned to her.

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